Saying goodbye.

Today I had to say goodbye to a friend. She's more than a friend. She's like a sister to me. my little Anna banana. I've never been too good with the goodbyes. Usually it's been me who is leaving, and instead of trying to find the words to say goodbye I try and sneak away without having to face the floods of tears ready to erupt. 

It's always been harder for me to get close to girls than guys. I don't really know what it is.. It's the first time since college that I've had sort of a solid group of girlfriends to go out with and share stories and giggles and Anna was my number one girl. Still is, but not seeing her every day is gonna break my heart. We shared the same sense of humor, the endless Friends references and a sense of belonging like kindred spirits. This last week we spent as much time together as possible, but it's never enough. We've only known each other for a short while, but we just clicked immediately. And the time you spend with people you love is never enough.  

I feel like all I've done these couple of months leading up to christmas is saying good bye. One after another that group of girls I've spent so many wonderful laughter filled  nights with are bidding their farewells and the group is no more.  

I feel like I'm losing my safety net and have to take to the trapeze all by myself now and if I fall there's no one to catch me. 

Oh sod it.

I'm not saying good bye. I'm saying I love you and I'll see you. Maybe not as much as I want to, but visit we will. Poxy sweden is so lucky!  I love you baby girl, so very much. It hurts to see you go, but I'm looking forward to seeing you again and again. So no more goodbyes. 

A whole big reunion is on the planning, trust me!

Disgusted!

Last week I placed myself on the computer prepared to do some serious fighting over a pair of Diesel dirty thirty Limited edition jeans! Ten o'clock the shop opened and soon as did the page start experiencing hick-ups like no other and it took me a good 30 minutes to advance on the page to get to the shop part where after 10 minutes of being thrown out the page I finally got to the pair i wanted and bagged those beauties. Pressed checkout flying high as a kite from the shopping adrenaline buzz and it read "The item you have chosen is no longer available and has been removed from your bag." I felt gutted, but excepted my failure and went about my life as before. Tonight surfing the net in boredom I thought to myself, I'll go and check ebay for the jeans if some have gotten on sale. Well over a hundred pairs came up just on the UK site!! Greedy little swines! Some of the buy it now prices were up to 170GBP!!!! What's that for an increase in the value!??? All I wanted was one pair to cherish and love forever more, but noooooo!!!!!

I know I'm sad..... In fairness, if I had the money I would've probably bought a rake of them and put them on ebay aswell. I might keep my eye out for them in case there's some going for a reasonable price. I did see some starting from the 30 quid price range, two days left in shopping time, so maybe see how it's going and place a bit if we're still on double digits. 

Oh how good it feels to dance around the house in jammies, no where to go, nothing to do. 

These are the boots can't decide between the two, all comments are very welcome!

I thought I had lost my other baby ( the macintosh) after my little duracel bunny spilled my full cup of coffee all over my keyboard, but after couple days of drying I'm back in action and no damage is done to my beloved white beauty. I was informed yesterday that the root of my rage is being sacked and will no longer be draining me of my will to live. Thank Jeeves for that! Now I just have to make my peace with the fact that we'll be getting a new head chef next week. Let's see how this goes. Hopefully this guy turns out to be ok, and not to destroy the athmosphere in work too much, I think we are all having certain reservations about him. The situation is slightly bizarre,as our chef de cuisine will still be there just as always but no there will be someone else somewhat running the kitchen. Feel a bit sorry for this guy, as initially we are all thinking that someone lost their job because of him, not just anyone either, he was with the company longer than any of us, he gave 18 years of his life to this place and now so suddenly been made redundant. Secondly, this person will be coming into a new kitchen at the busiest time of the year to work with strangers and having to get to know the kitchen and the people in it in a very short time, while having to take control of things but also work under someone else. Not easy. 

The way I see it, he might be positioned as a head chef, but he will work just as the souz-chefs. It's probably the hardest thing for our two souz-chefs as they have always been in charge of the kitchen when the executive chef is away, just as I would be incharge if they were away. Now having to take orders from someone who doesn't even know what they are doing yet. It might all go horribly wrong.  Only time will tell. 

In lighter news, I have my eyes set on a pair of knee high boots! they are gorgeous! Very expensive, but sooo pretty! Last month I was so good and shopped for nothing. I wasn't even really wanting anything. I was going from shop to shop but nothing was really tickling my fancy too much, no must have moments surfaced. This month I'm seeing so many things I want. So far I haven't gone shopping for anything for myself. Got new clothes for the babby, got her fitted for her big girl winter boots, 5 and half G she is. And got new stuff for her bedroom. I can't wait to get her room sorted out and made into a proper girlie bedroom for her! 

Anyway back to my boots! :)

This winter is gonna be so cold, you can already feel it in the air, I'm wearing mittens, hats, scarves, anything and everything to stay warm!!! Boots will be very necessary as they keep your calves warm too and you can even wear skirts without freezing to death. 

I thought I would be pretty good for a winter coat but I might need to get a thicker one as it is really really cold out!

Now back to X-factor...

Swelling with pride!

My little girl is talking!

Today was an eventful day I must say. Her first finnish started coming through in heaps, as she walked to the fridge, opened the door and said "maito" pointing at the carton of milk in the fridge door. "What did you say?" "Maito". 

OOH MY GOD! I phoned everyone!! She just said milk in finnish!! I got off of the phone, and more followed. She said "tuu tänne" for "come here", and clear as anything it was, later on she said "anna" for "give" and while we were playing she started counting "one, too, thlee!" So exciting!!! I can't believe all that happened in one day! I also discovered she likes olives when I was having tapas for lunch and she asked to taste one. "Anna." In the mouth it went and out came "yum yum yum" for approval.

Soon she'll be off to college, and fancy dinner parties! One of the proudest moments of my motherhood, I'm sure!

And the fact that it was all in Finnish makes me even prouder because I'm pretty much holding  the ford by myself in this end, so the fact that she's picking it up means the world to me and it's like having our own little secret language here in Scotland! :)

Babyfever!

Watching my cheeky little monkey growing up so fast is making me increasingly broody! The desire of having a little sister or a brother for her to play with is getting harder and harder to resist. i've started dreaming about having a baby again. This also happened before I was preggers with our daughter. I'm dreaming of a baby girl again. I've named her already, just like our first one. (I'm terrible I know!) I can't help myself. I'm waiting at least until my 25th birthday is out the way, I've worked too hard to get my pre-preggers body back not to enjoy my quarter century in style! But after that it's time to get our lives sorted out for a new arrival I think. Bigger place, saving lots of money (well saving some money hopefully) in time for the new babby! Exciting! Seriously, need to calm myself down, and leave it on the back burner for a couple more months at least, can't be making any hasty decissions, really need to sort out all the living arrangements and whatnot, this house is barely big enough for the 3 of us, and with no storage at all it's never gonna work. 

But just the thought of holding a brand new baby I made makes my heart melt. Picturing the two of them getting to know each other, holding hands, our big girl holding the baby and teaching her/him ( I think it'll be a girl, dunno why...) things...aaaaw. 

I think my uterus just skipped a beat.

Rage!

Shattered. A long weekend behind us now. Getting out of bed today was a struggle, but thank god I've no where to be. I gave up trying to get more sleep on the couch when my little monkey girl was walking all over me feet and elbows in the face. 

For the first time I really lost my temper in work on saturday. To the point that my headchef sent me out for a bit to chill out and get a coffee to calm my nerves. See I've been working with this guy now for 2 months. Supposebly he was a headchef somewhere, but he doesn't have the skill, speed or hygiene level of a head chef, not even a demi like he is now. Somehow he's gone from a head of the kitchen down to a breakfast chef and everything in between. I thought it was meant to go the other way? The constant babysitting in the kitchen while I'm trying to get work done, finally got to boilingpoint and I blew. He's messy, slow, he doesn't have a clue what he's doing, and he burns things. Two months into the job, and he barely knows the menu now. I'm usually quite patient, but he it's not only that he's crap at his job, he makes me worse at mine, because I can't get things done while I'm having to watch him and therefore i get forgetful and distracted. So all that was playing on my mind, and our souz chef was just back from holidays and he can be so very rude to people for no reason at all, and this guy thinks that anytime someone else reads a check, he loses a testical. A ticket came in and I read it out, and by this time I was already pretty annoyed having to put up with this cartoon character I was having to work with.. So I called out the check and my souz chef said something smartarse back at me and I just lost it..." Chill out you stupid *BEEP* *BEEP*, don't even talk to me you *BEEPING* *BEEP*, so sick of listening to your *BEEP* BEEP*, stupid *BEEP* *BEEP's sake*!!!!!!!!!! A lot of kicking fridges and cursing followed and you can be sure that no man in that kitchen was talking to me or trying to get in my way! I finished service an hour later and went downstairs to take a tablet for my headache, and coming up spoke to my headchef who thought it would be good for me to get out for a bit, and he promised by the time I get back the muppet working my station would be sent home. Thank Jeeves for that!

We had a chat about all that at the end of the night, we have done also before, I've not made it any secret that it's just not working out with him, as my headchef says I'm always brutally honest. So the guy is goig on holidays in a weeks time, and he won't be returning. It means more work for me, but also that I know exactly where I stand and that things are gonna get done, and done the way I like it, as I'll be the one doing them. 

I swear I've never had this much trouble trying to work with someone. It's just been unbearable. I've really tried to get on with things and just help him out, but I feel like a right bitch and a bully, cos I have to tell him off all the time, and he's just not got what it takes to work there. 

You live and learn.

A company online sold 4 cd changer and ipod docking station combination stereo systems, and it was cheaper than in the shops, and i had never had a bad experience from that kind of thing before. The website looked legit and everything seemed to be in order as I looked at the tems and conditions for return policys and whatnot. So I placed an order and was expecting my new soundsystem in 3-5 working days. A week and a half went by and nothing had arrived so I wrote an enquire email to the company and received one back the next day saying there had been an error on the deliveries from the suplier and they offered me an alternative item, which I kindly refused and asked when I could expect my original order to arrive. I was told at the end of the week. Another two weeks went by and no word back and nothing still hadn't arrived. I wrote another email and got no respond. I wrote another email this time just wishing to cancel my order and get my money back. No word back. Another two cancellations later still no respond. I wrote them another email saying I had contacted the citizens advice bureau, as the company had ignored me for over a month on my attempts to cancel my order or making a refund.  No respond. We were discussing matters with the people from citizens advice bureau on what we could do. My husband was on the phone to them for 3 hours. Firstly they kept him on hold for 35 minutes. Then they nonchalantly told him, the order had been canceled. My husband responded "that's great, but we would like to have our money back too." The put him on hold again for an hour, and after was cut off the phone. Safe to say we were not happy! Absolutely disgusted!

Two days later he finally got hold of the guy I spoke to first through email when placing my order, he was the one who offered me an alternative item. 

He said "your order has been canceled and the refund has been put through, and should be with you in 3 days. Please accept our apology and a 10 pound gift voucher for easyishop.co.uk, as a token of good will." 

What a laugh!

You can imagine what I told him to do with that 10 quid voucher!

We informed him that we would not be making any more purchases from their company and would do everything we can to make sure no one else does either.

The money was finally in my account two days ago. At least that part is sorted out now. I'm still gutted about the whole thing, and hope no one else has to go through such hassle. The way we were treated was absolutely horrendous! I think I've learned a lesson about trusting...or on second thought, probably not. I always seem to trust people too easily. Well I'll try my best to be more cautious.

The times they are a changing...

I hate to admit it, but my generation of people seem to think that life owes them something.

 They think they are born into this world and things are handed to them on a platter and if they don't like what they end up with, then everyone else will have to pay for it. People seem to live in this bubble where in their head they can put nothing in but get everything out of it. 

Another school shooting has taken place. Another 10 innocent lives have been taken, because someone didn't like what life dealt them and therefore thought everyone else was to blame for it, rather than taking charge of their own life and making something of it. 

When did we stop respecting life?

It's a scary thought of bringing up children in a world where everything you've worked for can be taken away from you in a split second by someone how thought that you're  life is worth no more than theirs, and therefore they can decide to take it. When did sending your children to school to get their education become a question of wether they live to see the next day. These are not normal times, when we have to fear for the lives of our children just trying to make something of their lives.  

It saddens me as a parent, and a human, to think that this is the world we live in now. Not only do we have to worry about natural disasters, wars, illness and all the other wicked things that came out of pandora's box, we also need to worry about the fact that people no longer allow others to have happiness, instead the envy of others having more than us pushes people to do awful things instead of pushing them to work harder for their happiness. 

My dad taught me the value of life and to respect all living things. If I can teach that to my children and see them grow up without something or someone cutting their life short I'll be happy with just that. That'll make my life. 

A long long time.

It's been a rollercoaster. 

It's been so long I don't know where to start from. Life has been hectic and things are finally feeling sort of on the up again after a very emotional down face. 

We spent a few days in hospital with the baby, after one night four weeks ago I got a phone call in work that my daughter had been taken to hospital. Something sudden had happened and she was stumbling all over the place not able to control herself or her movements. Her legs wouldn't carry her. I was picked up from work and brought to the hospital where she has been  prodded and probed with an IV drip on her foot and she looked like she was literally off her face. It seemed like she had taken something, but no one could tell me what. My heart stopped and I burst into streames of tears. I picked her up and she was floppy. Even as a new born she had always been able to carry her neck and head and no she felt spineless. No words can describe how I felt at that moment. 

They had taken blood tests and we had to get a urine sample from her, which isn't very easy to do with a year old baby. We missed three times as she went on the bed. We finally got a urine sample and I stayed in hospital with her, where every 30 minutes she got monitored for changes and had her heart rate and temperature taken. Needless to say, we didn't sleep that night. I sobbed in bed watching her with tubes coming from everywhere, as they gave her antibiotics through a drip. She was being treated for meningitis as a precaution before test results would be available. The doctor explained to me that she had to be fasted as the next day she would be getting a lombard puncture and brain scan. 3 o'clock in the morning she kicked her IV off and blood gushed from her foot, and no one was out on the ward as I screamed for a nurse. Amanda, our night nurse came running down the corridor and helped me get the bed and baby cleaned up, and said a doctor would come in to put in a new drip. The doctor came in an hour later to put a gel on her feet to numb the area. Half an hour later she came back to put in the drip. She struggled to find a vain as baby's vains aren't visible. After a half an hour of trying both feet she went for her hands, with no result. This time the area wasn't even numbed. It all got too much for me to watch her screaming and I asked her to stop. She said they would have to try again later as she needed her third set of antibiotics in the morning. 

In the morning we waited hungry as the other babies on the ward got their breakfast brought to them, but my baby was fasting for her scan and wasn't allowed anything. Another doctor got her IV drip in the first try on her arm with no hassle at all. She was taken in for her lumbard puncture and I was asked to stay back as it would be upsetting for me to watch. After what seemd like a lifetime she was brought back and was allowed to have some milk. She seemed a million times better, although she was still wobbly and knackered from the night before, but she didn't seem as drowsy and "drunken". 

The doctor explained to me that the liquid taken from her spine looked very clear which is a very good sign and she was upgrated from 3o minute watch to 2 hours. Along the day she seemed to improve and seemed more like herself. I myself was a weeping mess from sleep deprivation and having to deal with the fact that just hours earlier I was still thinking I might be losing my child. 

The different doctors and nurses kept coming in to keep me up dated and monotoring my angel all day and night, and that evening she got upgrated to 4 hour watches, which meant we might get some sleep.  I fell asleep with my husband petting my hair, as he had promised to stay until I fell asleep, and woke up with the baby coughing up sick as she started vomiting all over herself. They had explained to me that people often get sick after the lumbard puncture, so I knew straight away this is what was happening. Our night nurse helped me clean up everything again, and I got the baby to go back to sleep. I got a few hours after that myself. In the morning after fasting the baby for another whole day I was waiting to go in to get her brain scan, when the doctor came in and told us that they had found the reason for her illness. She had consumed benzodiazepines which came up in her urine sample. Turned out my mother-in-law takes diazepam for sleeping problems, and somehow she had gotten hold of one or a crumb of one, how much of it, no one knows. 

At the same time I felt such relief and rage. I was very pleased to know that this was nothing neuroligal that would cast a shadow on her future, as the first night in hospital I had made a promise to myself to never have more kids if she had something like that, cos I would never like her to feel left out or not be able to do everything the other children would be able to.  But at the same time I felt such anger that because of someone's carelessness I had come so close to losing my child, and there is no way I would ever forgive her for that. I don't think I would be able to. We got home that day, and the baby slept most of it. She was tired of being prodded and probed for days on end and just wanted to sleep. I couldn't stop crying. Every time I thought about it all I burst into tears. My heart was breaking. Motherhood never hit me so hard before, I realized I would rather die than let anything hurt my child again. I felt so much love for her and wanted to protect her with every last inch of me. The next day she had probably already forgetten her ordeal and she was getting very annoyed with mummy dotting on her, constantly kissing and cuddling her. For a few days I actually considered giving up working just so I wouldn't have to leave her ever again. I still have trust issues with my mother-in-law, and I'm sure those will be there for a very long time. I know that she is beating herself up about it a lot more than I ever could, but a part of me will always think, what if.... The sad thing is, something like that could have come to ruin my marriage. Not that i would ever blame him in any way, but having such a huge thing between myself and his mother would effect us in such a big way. But the thing is, I have to just take it as a lesson learned, and not think about the negatives and all the what if's, because, otherwise I will never get over it. 

So you think, that after something like this, life would give me a break and have something good roll my way. no such luck, i'm afraid!

We decided to go on a shopping trip to get the baby new clothes to enjoy a day out and get our minds off everything just happened. Four miles into the motorway, our car broke down. The engine died. So much for that shopping trip. We phoned to get another car from my in-laws and my husband stayed back to wait for the AA to pick up the car and get the other car. I jumped in the car with my friends and the baby and we headed on. By the time we got to the shops, everyone was so pissed off that the whole trip was a bust and no enjoyment came out of retail therapy. An hour later, my phone died. The Phone I had bought only 3 weeks prior. What else is gonna go wrong?

Later on in the week my kitchen turned against me aswell and my dishwasher broke along with my trusted hand blender. I felt like giving up..why does the universe hate me? More financial trouble followed, I wont bore you with the details. 

It's been a couple of weeks since, and pieces are getting picked up one by one, and hopefully everything will be sorted soon, but what an awful month and a half I've had. The worst one of my life. At the worst of times I've just felt like curling up in  ball and giving up, but the one thing that has kept me going is my beautiful little baby girl, who is growing up so fast that every second is precious not to miss. I've started smiling again I've been told. :)

Let's hope better thing are a coming, it is due!

I'm getting to a stage where I just want to go home now.

Holidays.

At some point your holiday at your parents house always turns into such hard work. The rule is to keep it short and sweet. This summer we decided to have a proper long holiday of 2 weeks as there always seems to be so much to do and not enough time to do it in. What we didn't prepare ourselves for was that it was going to be raining a lot, which means we're all crammed in a small house with not enough corners to hide behind to get your own peace and quite and that's a recipe for lots of mother-daughter clashing and hair pulling!



It's funny, no matter how old you get, when you set foot in your parents house you immediately turn into a child and get treated as one as well. Even with a child of my own I still feel like I'm fourteen all over again.

Bad hair day!

Is there such a thing as putting your husband up for adoption? It's one of those days...

The day started pretty good, considering that the baby has been up every night for the past two weeks. Me and the bubby were having a lovely breakfast together, she was making more a mess with hers than actually eating, but it was all good, babywipes are a miracle. The day started turning to shit when I went to take out the washing from the machine that my husband put in last night. My vintage leather belt with jewellery encrusted buckle was still attached to my jeans and the buckle was broken and leather ruined from the wash. I've had the belt for years and it goes with everything, not to mention it cost a bundle when it comes to belts, and it is ruined. All I got was "I'm sorry." I was really annoyed, but as the day went on I was slowly starting to let go of it, and by the time he finished work and came home I was able to hold back the rage and make small talk, until he opened his mouth and said. "The hair appointment I booked for you was today and not tomorrow...." Now you might think, not a big deal, just make another one. But the thing is, I need to get my hair done for the wedding in a few weeks time, and the reason I was getting it done now, is that my hairdresser is going on holiday in two days time and won't be back before we go on holidays! The reason he made the appointment for me in the first place was that he works right next door to the salon and he offered to go in and make it for me. Funny thing is, my hairdresser went in to see him when I hadn't showed up and still I didn't get a phone call!!! It really gets to me ,that I have to keep paying for his mistakes, while the compulsary "I'm sorry" plays like a broken record and I have to forgive! In case no one knew, it doesn't actually make anything better, it's polite to say it, but would be great if after it the wrong doings would be made better as well. Instead I'm stuck having to let someone else do my hair, when I know I'm not gonna get what I wanted and paid for, and I have to forgive for all the stupid things done to me! I really just can't let this go. I've tried calming down and just letting it go, but it's not like it can be made good again either. My belt is forever ruined and my hairdresser is going on holiday while I stay back holding my broken buckle in tears and pulling my roots and split ends off! I really hate men sometimes! ...Not even just men, I hate my man! AAAAARGH!

There might be hope yet.

Feeling better than I have in weeks today. Managed to get through work without wanting to fall asleep under the sink, and not feeling too bad just now.

I got my Tracy Anderson DVD a couple days ago, and have pushed myself to dance to it even with feeling tired and shitty, and it really seems to be working wonders already! Taking a break from dancing and working out tonight, as I have a massive pile of laundry to get through and another one to iron. The only slightly negative thing I could possibly say about it is , that the rutines are pretty hard as you have to learn them quickly to keep up and you have to do everything mirrored as you can't see the rear view on the DVD. The dances are definitely hitting all the small muscle groups and it's so much fun to do! And it's another thing to add to my workout rutine to keep things interesting, between the other DVD I'm working out to and the gym, so shouldn't get too bored with it.

I had blood tests taken on monday to find out what is causing all this fatigue and general tiredness. The results are in on monday next week, and hopefully I will get some answers then. I also had a nother smear as the last one came back unsatisfactory with " borderline cell changes..." so if this one is ok, happy days, if not than action will be taken to find out what is happening. Hopefully these two things aren't linked and everything turns out ok. Hopefully it is nothing more than a defiency and I will get that sorted out quite easily. Another thing the doctor said was possible with my symtoms is diabetes, which I'm really hoping I don't have. But all I can do now is wait.

The fact that I'm feeling better today is making me feel a lot happier and more hopeful. 

oh so tired.

Lately it seems to be harder and harder to get anything done. Constantly tired and feeling rubbish for no reason, even when I take care of myself better than I have in a long time, I eat well, exercise, sleep as much as possible. In the morning I feel fine in work for about two hours and then hit a slump and can't shake it at all. Now I have started bruising badly from minor blows and bumps and just don't feel like myself at all. The other day I was carrying my daughter's changing bag on my shoulder and bent down to pick something up and the bag slid down my arm and caused a bruise the size of a matchbox ( and shape) which turned black in seconds and looks like something you get when you get the life kicked out of you. 

I've started going to the gym in the mornings before work, so I have to get up at 6.30 to get there for 7 a.m. and for a while I feel much better for it, but then I get so tired again and by the time I get home I'm near collapsing point.

So tomorrow I'm phoning the doctors to see if I can get a bloodtest taken, the only thing I can think of is some sort of a deficiency or anemia. Hopefully I find out what is causing this so I can get back to feeling normal again. :)

Sunday is the baby's first birthday party! She turned 1 on tuesday and we spent the day together as a family and opened some pressents and played with her new toys and things. She's so spoiled already! From her grand parents ( my in-laws) she got a trike and a sandbox which has a lid that can also be used as a paddlingpool, she loves it all! Hopefully the weather will be nice for the weekend, as it has gotten colder again after having a gorgeous week last week. Today I actually had to wear a scarf again! We have a big garden party planned for her with all her friends and ours, with lots of party foods and a bouncy castle nad ,ots of fun things to play with. I'm so excited! Just seeing everyone gather around to celebrate her is gonna be amazing for me, that's the main thing I'm looking forward to and seeing her enjoy herself!

Saturday night I need to get all the food shopping done for the party and finish decorating the cake. The sponge is already made and I have to say, I don't think I have actually made one since leaving college. It turned out really good, hopefully it tastes just as nice. We shall have to wait and see on sunday.

Now I will get back to the couch to cuddle up to my lovely husband and quite possibly fall asleep with him running his fingers through my hair, aw bliss...

Fits of giggles.

Today was a hard hard day. I walked into the kitchen 10 minutes to 10a.m. and before I put my knifecase down I was sweating. The air conditioning was broken and we were nearing 50c in there, just standing around was hard work. I was sweating in places I didn't think humanly possible! It was so warm that I Couldn't actually finish my coffee which is something that hasn't happened since I first got pregnant. The heat started taking it's toll after a couple hours as people started getting really edgy and grumpy and bickering with each other. I went the other way and caught the giggles and was probably making things even more unbearable for the others.  I just couldn't stop laughing, the heat was going to my head and everything seemed hilarious! 

I was trying to pour the duck sauce I had just prepared into a squeezebottle and my collegue said to me as the sauce was going over the edges od the neck of the bottle, lift the bucket higher so you get a better flow, so there was me trying to hold the bucket higher and the sauce getting everywhere, with him next to me going "higher, higher, faster, faster!" ..the sauce didn't get into the bottle any better than before it just made me laugh so hard because it was making an even bigger mess and eventually I fell to the floor in fits of giggles.

I had to work an hour overtime as it was quite busy, but I have never been more happy to leave the kitchen to get out into the cool breeze outside as it was actually agonizing. But when I made it out to the street the air outside was just as still and heavy, the only breeze I was getting came from my high speed walking as all I could think about was getting into a cold shower!

And here I am sitting in front of the computer with a cup of coffee, not showered and still smelling of the kitchen! Oh well, only myself to blame...

Laughter.

1st of may has been a big day in our lives for the past couple of years. It was the day the Africa adventure started for us, it was the day we came back from Africa, it was my due date for having our beautiful baby ( although I, or more so SHE was two weeks late). And it will definitely be a day I will never forget, as it is the date I amde some life long relationships on, including my lovely husband. We didn't actually meet on 1st of may, but those were the teams we were on to go to Malawi as we both got set back for very different reasons, but I'd like to think, ultimately it was all down to faith.

I was rembering my team mates on the 1st and was reminded by one of them about the weird questions I ask people and how my mind goes on overdrive as I throttle on my quest to make sense of the universe. My particular quetion had been " what would life be without laughter?"

I don't like asking that question, because if someone could answer me it would all make me too sad to go on, I think.  If every person has one thing they are remembered for, I think I would like that to be mine. Laughter. I always think that if I didn't have something to laugh about every day, life wouldn't be worth living. I still think that, and I will continue to think that until the day I die, or laughter does. They say that laughter keeps us young, and I firmly believe that, as even in the saddest of times, a burst of involuntary giggle will give you the strength of 10 men and the will to go on living. 

When our baby girl was two days old, she gave me her very first smile. It melted my heart and I took so much pride in the fact that I, or more to the point we, had made her, and she was perfect. My friend's baby started laughing so early on and was always giggling away for nothing, and I would be doing my best bits for my little one, and no sound would come out of her big grinning face. it got to a point when I actually thought something was wrong. But when she did, it was the most beautiful sound in the world and I swear I will never forget it. And all the time I put in to get it out of her were so worth the effort because there's nothing better than making your own child laugh. Now she laughs at anything and everything, and the house is always full of fits of giggles, but the first one will stay with me for life. That one was just for me. 

If for anything I hope I will be remerbered for the laughter, because that's what I always remember.

Yaay me!

Right on track today, had a seeded bagel with cucumber this morning with a glass of mango and passion fruit smoothie, and my coffee of course! Lunch was a wholemeal roll with cucumber again, a half a banana and a pint of water ( boring lunch but it was handy) and for early dinner me and the baby both had lemon and herbs marinated grilled chicken with steamed carrots and broccoli. Haven't been snacking on anything today which is excellent, after my two hour aerobics workout I am now how ever enjoying a glass of white wine. 

Driving lesson went pretty good today, got to drive off from home and all the way back, including that horrible tunnel bit where yuo can't see any cars coming from the right cos there's not even a mirror to guide you. Clutch control is getting a lot better now, not lifting my whole foot off the clutch anymore which makes the whole deal a lot sweeter. Another thing I need ot work on is the handbreak, I'm not pushing it to the floor which makes slow starts on the trafficlights, need to work on that. Next week will have a double lesson as an hour just isn't long enough to get any real work done. Just when you get into it it's time to drive back home, so from now on will do two hours at a time. Hopefully that will speed up the process and help me get my head around it all.

Another thing that was putting me off today was that the baby took an awful fall off the couch just before I was due to leave for my lesson. I shat myself thinking she broke her neck. I was reading a magazine on the couch and she kept jumping on me and crawling on top of me, and all of a sudden she was off the couch and on her head on the floor with the rest of her body still hanging off the couch! It was horrible. She cried straight away and all her bits were still attached and nothing seemed broken and in a few moments she was back giggling, although she did have a wee bump on her forehead. I felt so bad. She's had falls before and bumps and bruces, but it still doesn't get any easier to see her take a fall like that.

Tomorrow will do an hour and a half at the gym. Have to stay in all day tomorrow as our gas meter is getting exchanged. Hopefully that will be early in the morning and finished quickly so don't have to waste the day indoors. Won't be holding my breathe for that tho. 

Gagging myself very necessary.

It's the end of the week for me again. Thank god for that. Have been extremely knackered and definitely need a day in my pj's doing mostly nothing. Have a driving lesson tomorrow evening, but other than that have no plans and am very happy about it.

This whole no cheese thing has backfired, as I find myself eating everything but. Everyday I decide what I can and can't eat and end up finding loop-holes in my plan and end up with a mouthful of carrotcake!

The temptation is so much worse in work as there's food around, lots of it! I don't even have a sweet tooth, but there I am looking at a bit of cake like it gave me superpowers!

Went to the gym tonight after work to punish myself, even tho have been sleepwalking for a few days with the lack of shut-eye.  Managed to rid 650 calories before I felt so exhausted I wanted to vomit and was near collapsing.. I am of course exaggerating, but that's what I felt like. But tomorrow night I will be rested and ready to burn off major body fat!

Have to really stay on track now, the weather is heating up and people are wearing t-shirts and skirts, so need to get on the band-wagon. Funny thing today, I guess it really shows ho the weather can just change in Sotland, left work and it was absolutely gorgeous and sunny, was at the gym for just over hour and a half and decided to keep my flipflops on for the journey home rather than putting on high heeled boots, and got outside in my t-shirt and peeky toes, and it had just stopped raining, people were wearing wintercoats and I looked like I was back from holidays in the sun. Walked home with my toes catching the cold not to mention the wet, and must have looked like a right eegit. On top of that, had completely forgotten that those flipflops are my gym shower flippies for a reason, they're not made for long walks as they give me blisters.

Tomorrow is payday,woohoo! It means I will be getting my white skinny's on very shortly! 

For now will sink to the bottom of my sofa and let my head fall down, as for me it is the weekend!

The boobs that went south for a lifelong winter.

First day off cheese. Almost accidentally slipped twice in work while cutting cheese. Just very nonchalantly went to put some in my mouth and before it could properly touch the tongue, caught myself and  spat it out. It's only the first day and already I feel like I really can't do this!

Had pasta without cheese, yuk! ..Ok maybe not yuk, but definitely missing the essence. I've heard that eating a lot of cheese can give you nightmares, but not being able to have any is an even bigger nightmare altogether. It really does just bring an average thing to a whole new level. For me anyway. I would happily live in a house of cheese, the smellier the better, and eat my way out of there. 

Have to stop thinking about cheese, it's actually getting to me now.

Another worrying thing is, the frown-lines on my forehead are getting more defined every day it seems, and I find myself considering botox, which is very out of character for me.  It's not even the needle I'm worried about, (not to mention the dent it would make in my payslip), but the thought of injection poison in to me, is just not that appealing. And seeing how wrong it can go on some people puts my right off it aswell, but to get rid of the two lines that plague me would be a very welcome change to my appearance. 

Funny thing is, I've always been a bit of a baby face, and the fact that I'm a shortarse doesn't help either, but to be a wrinkly babyface jusr isn't right. I blame my dad, it's his forehead I have inherited and I'm sad to say, I think it has been passed on to my own daughter as well. I think I might be getting a tad vain in my old age. Someone needs to smack that right out of me!

I never really cared too much about the way I looked before having a baby. I think the whole reproducing process makes you see this is the best you will ever look so you might as well make the best of it. Too bad that whole way of thinking only comes after most things have started making their way south and there's no miracle potion to spring them back up to where they left from. Still, it has made me more a woman than I've ever been before, just wish I still had the perky boobs to finish of the package. Oh well, can't have it all I guess. 

"Ladies, enjoy your assets as long as you can, when they're gone, only a plastic surgeon can bring back the youthful perk to the parts that were no more."

Spring time baffling.

The busy weekend is behind us.

Just put the baby to bed and having a cup of coffee and enjoying the silence.

Was busy in work all weekend and had to work couple extra hours last night, but after work had a text message waiting on the phone saying the baby was staying over night at her grand parents and the lads were waiting for me in the pub. Had a few cold ones and came home with the hubby to some quality time and had a cracking sleep on top and today in work was a laugh so well happy now. 

It's such an exciting time in the baby's life now, starting to learn words and even more so interesting as she is being brought up bilingual so working out which language her mutters are. She says a few so far that we can understand. "dad", she says mum in finnish "äiti" and she can say "ta ta" for good bye, and "nana" for gran and I think she is starting to say thank you in finnish which is also very cool. It'll probably be longer for her to start talking or to make sense as she will most likely confuse the two for a while, but the main thing is she is learning. She goes on these little rants all the time when she just talks and talks for ages telling you stories like you are meant to understand what she is saying, it's so cute. 

She is suffered from a terrible nappy rash for a week or two which is finally clearing up. I've been trying to leave her without her nappy on when ever possible but there's accidents to follow from the freedom. She peed once on the carpet and twice in her bed when I left her to play for a couple minutes, well actually it was more like seconds. Tonight after her bath I left her for a few minutes and then went to put cream on her bum before putting a nappy on and was greeted with a big poo. Still rather my hand then my cream carpet! 

The weather has been absolutely gorgeous for a couple of days now, people wearing t-shirts and sun shining from a clear blue sky, obviosly I haven't been able to enjoy any of it as I have been stuck in a roasting hot kitchen, but even after I finish it's still nice and warm. On nights like these I really hate the fact that we haven't got a garden to sit in and relax and watch the sun  go down. 

I was watching the baby sleep tonight for a while. It's so hard to believe that she is almost a year old. The baby face really is almost over. And it had gone by so fast. You really do have to make the most of the time you have with your baby when she is still little as before you know it , she'll by up on her feet and getting more and more independent every day. 

It's funny, before I had her I had never really spent any time with new born babies and a part of me was so terrified that I wouldn't know what to do or how to handle her, but as soon as she was born the mother in me was born as well and instantly I knew what to do. I'm so proud of myself for the way I have handled everything actually, I coped really well and everything just sort of fell in to place once she was here. We have been so lucky to have been blessed with such an easy baby tho, she's never been a big crier and she's just been a pleasure to have. Yeh, she's  definitely a keeper!

Motherhood has  definitely made me a better person. I'm more patient, more understanding, more of everything really. And I don't let petty little things get me down and there's not an awful lot that shocks me anymore. 

There's been a few things that I wasn't prepared for tho. The guilt for one. You feel guilty for things that you want to do fr yourself. Selfish. I know I shouldn't, and its' important to do things for just yourself as well, but you can't help but feel a tad guilty giving up precious time with your baby to go the gym or to meet with yuor friends, but you have to do it, for your sanity alone. And coming home to your wee one feels all the more special. Another feeling I didn't expect to have was fear. Fear over something happening to your child. Especially in this day and age, when you can't walk out side your door without worrying that someone attacks you with an axe for your pocket money. I have stopped watching the news almost all together as it is just too upsetting. The bigger she gets the more I fear, as I realize that the less control over her I have and I have to let her grow up, but all I want to do is keep her safe. I dread the first time she ever asks to go play outside without me holding her hand. Sometimes when I'm alone in the house and she is in bed I still go and check she is still breathing because of all the stories about cot death we hear about. I know it's silly, and she's too old now anyway to just stop breathing, but I still do it. Every time in the morning when I wake up before her I run to her room to check the same thing in my half a sleep panic state of mind because normally she is always up before me. And every time I curse myself because I end op waking her up even tho she would have slept later if I hadn't ran into her room. 

But there you go, so is the life of mum. 

Three point turns and around and round we go.

It has become painfully obvious to me why it sucks to do your driving lessons after you have moved out of the comfort of your mummy and daddy's house; there's no new car as a reward at the end of it! I have been drooling over used mini coopers online, stating to myself that I actually can not picture myself driving any other car.

 Maybe an old beetle if I had to, but mini is the car for me. It's petite like me and fits to small spaces, is easy to maneuvor and oh so pretty to look at!

At the moment byuing one is absolutely out of the question as it takes a hell of a lot of planning and holding on to your purse with teeth and claws to make it to the end of the month with a penny in your pocket. Must get to saving mode. Tho have so many things that need paying off before a mini even gets on the list that it'll be a dream only for a very long time!

"But look how pretty..." 

Yesterdays driving lesson was about three point turns. Still don't have excellent clutch control. Think I will have to glue my heel to the floor because for some reason I am always tempted to lift my whole foot off the pedal. Every time I make a mistake I feel like taking atantrum like the baby does when things don't go her way. My instructor is brilliant tho, he is so patient and I feel comfortable with him, so that makes thing a lot easier. After having the baby I feel like I'm more able to keep my cool and not walk out off the car if I can't do something. 5 years back and I would have been running amok at anyone trying to tell me what to do I think. I haven't done anything stupid yet, as soon as I gain proper clutch control I think it'll be a breeze. The thing is tho that you don't realize, the driving is easy, it's really only the manuevoring that actually takes time to workout in your head and learn how to do. Once I get in control of that one pedal I'll be cruising with confidence! 

 

In other news, have decided to give up cheese for an experimental week long period. This will take place starting monday morning. Will probably gorge on it all weekend to try and keep myself going for a whole week without. I reckon I have lost a stone by the end of it. Bets are being taken now. A stone might be a bit of a stretch, maybe a half a stone.  I shall try my very best to stick to my guns and not have any, in any sort of way, won't even smell cheese. Well actually the little torturer inside might make me smell cheese in work, but at home there will be no cheese in sight to even tempt me.

Who knows, if it works I might have reward myself with a pair of size 6 jeans!.. there goes the no shopping plan then. Tho if we really want to rationalize this than I will probably save the money on not buying cheese! Result. Sold!

No but seriously, not trying to fit into a size 6, quite happy with a nice fitting pair of 8's.

Need to keep some meat on the bones.

Right moving on,

Heroes returned to our telly sets tonight and I missed the first episode as I was at the gym, well annoyed. The hubby is watching the second one now and I can't bring myself to watch it as half of it won't make any sense to me before I see the first one. Aargh.

Hopefully will catch a re-run tomorrow and get up-to-date and the heroes front. 

Last day off tomorrow, hopefully it'll be a nice sunny day and can get out and about with the baby.

The spring clean is half done!

Had such a busy day today, running from place to place with errands and 

Blaah blaah.

The silence is broken. 

Turns out it doesn't take a meteor to keep me quiet.  All it needed was a faulty battery on my macbook to keep me from logging on. All taken care of now. Picking up a freeby new battery from Apple today, turns out the battery has been faulty from the day it was born so I am entitled to a free one. 

Been up since 6.30 this morning. The bambino decided it was no time to be sleeping and so I have been doing ironing all morning and tidying up the house. Those dirty windows re still smirking at me, think I will finally have to take a crack at them today.

Friday night was meant to be going to cinema with a friend to cheer her up  after a slightly messy break up. Seems that a few bottles of wine and a bit of dancing does the job too. So never made it to cinema ended up destroying two bottles of wine each and going to a night club, and bumping into some guys from my work and my friend ended up taking one of them home, so she is very much over her break up! Instead of sulking she is now exploring the benefits of singledom and seems to be having a laugh doing so, so good on her. Tho feel a little odd hearing intimate details of someone you used to take the piss out of daily.

Off for 4 days now, so have to get loads done, gonna do a massive spring clean in the house, get the baby's birthday planning on the way and do all the bits and bobs that I have been putting off ages. 

So annoyed there's is no longer a shop down stairs to pick up your wee things like toilet roll and milk and the rest, every time you need something you actually have to make a journey of it to the shops. 

Better hit the shower and get ourselves in gear to run all our errands. Tonight after all else is done get a few hours at the gym and then practice for the theory test. 

In the words of Macka B " So many thing I gotta do...." .

Out and about.

 Took the baby for a check up to see how she has grown and show off her new walking skills. She is 76cm and 22lbs12oz. (10,230kg) So on track and getting bigger.

Went to work after to see how everyone got on with their hangovers yesterday, happy to say no one suffered majorly part from our very own wino who still looked ill today. 

Cooked two meals, cleaned the house and even made some banana muffins, so been a busy beaver all day long. The plan was to hit the gym after making dinner for the hubby, but instead he's away to the pub to lend a shoulder to a friend who just split up with his grilfriend. So Davina McCall will be getting medieval on my behind in the name of toned sexy bodies. 

This dvd is pure gold by the way! Not only is it great fun to do it actually works wonders. In the first week I did it 3 times and lost 5lbs! It tones and immediately changes the way you look and hold yourself. The biggest improvement I saw was on my posture, I actually carry myself a lot better now. And when you are 5'3" you can't really afford to slouch.  The leg section still kills me, every time I do it, it's like bambie learning how to walk afterwards for at least two days. The best part is, you can pick and choose, mix and match, chop and change according to what you feel like doing. I usually do the warm up, the aerobics, the abs, the boxing the cool down, and for special work out days throw in the legs or the pump or both depending on how I feel and how much I want to torture myself. All the sections are about 20 minutes long and they really are so much fun to do that you don't want to stop even tho the sweat is pouring out of you!

So that's plan for tonight, after that still have a big pile of ironing to tackle. Oh it's a wonderful life. :) 

Tomorrow window washing.

Take it all, but you won't take my cheese!

Missed a gorgeous day outside today by lying in bed feeling hungover. 

Had such a ball last night, dancing and having a good aul laugh with the gang. 20 of us turned up so it was a good mix of people all in good spirits!

First time since having the baby I stayed out til finishing time and was still full of energy when the clubs closed, but jumped into a taxi and came home to have drunken munchies. Had a bagel with salami and cheese and a cup of Earl Grey and burned me tongue and the rest of me mouth so badly that my taste buds went on immediate strike and are showing no signs of returning. 

The diet starts again tomorrow. No alcohol, no white bread or pasta and back on the exercise pony and plenty of water to keep hydrated. My other diet rules include portion control, always start with a salad, eating slower so the brain and body has time to register when I am full to avoid over-eating. And the mighty important, no snacking in between meals. And healthy swaps help a great deal. The plan is to get rid of the last bit of muffin top and lovehandle by june as I'm planning to wear a gorgeous dress for my cousin's wedding in a comfortable size 8.  I'm not looking to just fit in it, I can do that now, but fit in it perfect, with absolutely no chance of spillage or awkward bumps making appearances. I reckon a loss of 5-8lbs. will do it. So nothing major, no hunger strike or eating dissorder needed here, just a bit of moving and grooving and a bit less cheese-ing. 

I am actually pretty sure that if I just stayed off eating cheese for a few weeks the 8lbs would drop away without doing any exercise at all, as I do love my cheeses, but I really don't wanna lose weight in a way that I can't keep up afterwards because the weight is only gonna creep back on after and most likely with a few extra pounds. And it really wouldn't be possible for me to give up cheese anyway. It just isn't possible. And I eat good anyway, I'm allowed to have this one thing! Damn it.

 

Back in shape.

This was written on friday, but the laptop kept cutting off so I thought I had lost it and couldn't even log in for a few days at all, as the computer would stay on maybe a minute and a half at a time..Anyways.

Back to me old self again today, some might say not so much an improvement, but screw those people, I hate them anyway.

My new partner in crime in work is a breeze to work with and even tho we were busy it all seemed to go perfectly calm and had a ball and didn't mind the two hours over-time I put in, at all.

It was the first full day for the hubby looking after the wee yin since she has found her feet and he was absolutely knackered by the end of it. What I found amazing was that the house was spotless when I walked in, so good on him, well done. Couldn't ask for more. 

I'm turning out to be quite the party planner, given that it's all very short notice, I have enrolled around 20 people for tomorrow night for fun and games. Tho I suppose not everyone has to plan their nights out as carefully as I do, as they have no commitments at home, but still pretty chuffed with myself. The boss is away on holidays so I don't have to face the dissaproving looks of sending a bunch of hungover people to work on monday morning. myself excluded as I will be suffering mine in the company of my little miss sunshine. I wonder who's off worse? :S

When the boss is away the little chef's shall play. :)

Hope monday night I won't be feeling too bad as it's time to get back on the horse when it comes to exercising, this week hasn't been my best so far and that bikini body doesn't just happen after having kids. 

I gave myself 9 months to get back to my pre-baby shape, I figured it took me 9 months to get there so 9 months seemed the logical time to recover the bump aswell. I did make it. Tho your shape does slightly change from childbirth and going from a B-cup to a DD and back makes it's mark and the only way sadly is south, but in time you learn to love your new shape and putting your body thru all that does result in a beautiful little person so you can't stay too angry with nature. You hear all these stories from women saying " the weight just melted off." This definitely wasn't the case for me, and for a while I did get a little bit depressed about it, but I also knew that if you're not happy with yourself, then do something about it, and I did. And I have to say I did eat a bit more than necessary, after all you don't really have to eat for two and my choices at the end of my pregnancy were leaning more towards comfort food than apples and oranges. But lesson learned and now fitting comfortably back into my skinny jeans I'm very happy indeed, little bit of lovehandle to shift and that page 3 spot is mine! After all, no one loves a muffin top!

Hallelujah hallelujah!

Feeling better again, tho I did wander into work today slightly zombied out with an echo of " why are you so quiet today?" where ever I would turn. My plan this morning was to stick to plain flavours and simple food not to overwhelm the system and end up chemically imbalanced ready for a relapse, but no such thing happened and by noon I had moved onto eating everything and anything. I finished on time for once and headed straight to the gym to work my bazooky off and the sweat was pouring out of me, buckets full! Excellent workout and feeling mighty knackered now, so well done me! Think I will have a good sleep tonight. 

Trying to organize a work night out for sunday, desperately in need of letting me hair down and perhaps even getting a wee bit jiggy on the dancefloor. Have some new clothes that need taking out into town before I get accused of not making the most of my ever growing wardrobe. Secret promise for next month is no shopping for clothes. ( Tho I am keeping it on the down low as it's easier to cheat when you don't tell anyone.) I have already got my eye on a few new garments, but am trying to be really good and not spend money on clothes. What is it that no matter how many clothes you have, it always seems there's nothing to wear? There's a brillant new add from brantano where they showcase woman's logic in bying shoes. She picks up a pair she likes and the brain scan shows how she justifies this particular buy. It reads; " It matches the frying pan."  

Excellent.  

Need I say more? 

Scrambled.

With me head so far up to my backside I have written today off as a miss and stayed in my jammies. No tooth brushing necessary. Last night was taxing. The baby is teething again and she definitely isn't keeping quiet about it. Not that I blame her, but when you go to sleep with a headache and wake up to a full-blown migraine with a screaming baby and your only relief is infant paracetamol in strawberry flavour, you are not far from exchanging the fruit of your loins to the next person you see in possession of painkillers. 

Off for four days and first day meant to be back, and I'm off sick, not good going. In my nightmare of a morning I also woke up my boss with a phonecall and in his half a sleep state of mind he claimed he wasn't sleeping but was just about to drive into the shower before heading to work. 

7 a.m. I gave up trying to sleep and started drinking excessive amounts of coffee in a bid to stay awake for the baby. It all backfired terribly, as my mother-in-law came to pick her up to give me a couple of hours to sleep, and by that time I was so wired up I was grinding my teeth with the mere thought of sleep. 

So instead I have been watching crap tv with the blinds down, wearing my fake Gucci shades bought from Addis Ababa few years back, as they so perfectly keep away all ray of light trying to get through the window. Result.

As for tomorrow...all I can say is, It's a new dawn, it's a new day..and please oh please let me feel good.

Plain waffle.

It's one of these days where no matter how much you feel like you are doing nothing really gets done and the things you have spent hours doing your hyper-active barely 11 month old daughter seems to undo in seconds. You see, she has just learned how to walk and nothing in the house is out of reach for her anymore, it's all fair game as far as she is concerned. I swear she winds me up on purpose. No matter who tells me that she doesn't know any better, the big cheesy grin on her face tells me she knows exatly what she is doing and loves every minute of it, and how much it gets on mummy's tits!

Ever tried telling of a 10 month old? It just doesn't work. No matter how pissed off you are by her behaviour, just the tiniest smile on her face makes you laugh at yourself for letting your little angel (or devil, I haven't decided yet.) get to you.  She seems to do everything in leaps.  She got her first tooth followed by 4 more in one go, then she got up to her knees and straight away she was off crawling and shortly started cruising the furniture and now  two weeks after taking her first steps she seems to want to run already. Everyone always told me she will grow up so fast, but jaysus were they right, my little innocent baby is no more, instead I have this action packed trouble maker who some days I just want to tie to her bed so I can get 5 minutes of peace, but she is just so much fun I can't complain. 

Saying all this, I know I've given up a lot having a baby as young as I have, like the freedom to get up and go when I feel like it, travelling the world, nights out and parties have to be planned months before hand, money...boy do they take a lot of your money!, but for the first time, every day has meaning. Every morning I wake up and have a reason to get out of bed. And a smile on my face as I'm greeted by my  little girl grinning in her cot under a pile of dirty clothes and stuffed toys she decided to redecorate with. :)

And there's nothing I love more than having a lazy sunday in bed with my husband and our baby girl, giggling and playing happy as larry. 

Right, enough day dreaming, back to ironing...

Blogging it!

No longer will I suffer the emotion overload all by my lonesome, oh no, from now on I shall unload it on to thee, the unsuspecting bloggers of the world and you shall be my allies for better or for worse til my internet cuts off or a big rock or maybe some sort of meteor crashes onto my laptop and forever keeps me from logging on again...but lets face it, the chances of that happening are slim to none, so lend an ear or an eye full, and I'll begin blogging it.