Spring time baffling.

The busy weekend is behind us.

Just put the baby to bed and having a cup of coffee and enjoying the silence.

Was busy in work all weekend and had to work couple extra hours last night, but after work had a text message waiting on the phone saying the baby was staying over night at her grand parents and the lads were waiting for me in the pub. Had a few cold ones and came home with the hubby to some quality time and had a cracking sleep on top and today in work was a laugh so well happy now. 

It's such an exciting time in the baby's life now, starting to learn words and even more so interesting as she is being brought up bilingual so working out which language her mutters are. She says a few so far that we can understand. "dad", she says mum in finnish "äiti" and she can say "ta ta" for good bye, and "nana" for gran and I think she is starting to say thank you in finnish which is also very cool. It'll probably be longer for her to start talking or to make sense as she will most likely confuse the two for a while, but the main thing is she is learning. She goes on these little rants all the time when she just talks and talks for ages telling you stories like you are meant to understand what she is saying, it's so cute. 

She is suffered from a terrible nappy rash for a week or two which is finally clearing up. I've been trying to leave her without her nappy on when ever possible but there's accidents to follow from the freedom. She peed once on the carpet and twice in her bed when I left her to play for a couple minutes, well actually it was more like seconds. Tonight after her bath I left her for a few minutes and then went to put cream on her bum before putting a nappy on and was greeted with a big poo. Still rather my hand then my cream carpet! 

The weather has been absolutely gorgeous for a couple of days now, people wearing t-shirts and sun shining from a clear blue sky, obviosly I haven't been able to enjoy any of it as I have been stuck in a roasting hot kitchen, but even after I finish it's still nice and warm. On nights like these I really hate the fact that we haven't got a garden to sit in and relax and watch the sun  go down. 

I was watching the baby sleep tonight for a while. It's so hard to believe that she is almost a year old. The baby face really is almost over. And it had gone by so fast. You really do have to make the most of the time you have with your baby when she is still little as before you know it , she'll by up on her feet and getting more and more independent every day. 

It's funny, before I had her I had never really spent any time with new born babies and a part of me was so terrified that I wouldn't know what to do or how to handle her, but as soon as she was born the mother in me was born as well and instantly I knew what to do. I'm so proud of myself for the way I have handled everything actually, I coped really well and everything just sort of fell in to place once she was here. We have been so lucky to have been blessed with such an easy baby tho, she's never been a big crier and she's just been a pleasure to have. Yeh, she's  definitely a keeper!

Motherhood has  definitely made me a better person. I'm more patient, more understanding, more of everything really. And I don't let petty little things get me down and there's not an awful lot that shocks me anymore. 

There's been a few things that I wasn't prepared for tho. The guilt for one. You feel guilty for things that you want to do fr yourself. Selfish. I know I shouldn't, and its' important to do things for just yourself as well, but you can't help but feel a tad guilty giving up precious time with your baby to go the gym or to meet with yuor friends, but you have to do it, for your sanity alone. And coming home to your wee one feels all the more special. Another feeling I didn't expect to have was fear. Fear over something happening to your child. Especially in this day and age, when you can't walk out side your door without worrying that someone attacks you with an axe for your pocket money. I have stopped watching the news almost all together as it is just too upsetting. The bigger she gets the more I fear, as I realize that the less control over her I have and I have to let her grow up, but all I want to do is keep her safe. I dread the first time she ever asks to go play outside without me holding her hand. Sometimes when I'm alone in the house and she is in bed I still go and check she is still breathing because of all the stories about cot death we hear about. I know it's silly, and she's too old now anyway to just stop breathing, but I still do it. Every time in the morning when I wake up before her I run to her room to check the same thing in my half a sleep panic state of mind because normally she is always up before me. And every time I curse myself because I end op waking her up even tho she would have slept later if I hadn't ran into her room. 

But there you go, so is the life of mum.