Bad hair day!

Is there such a thing as putting your husband up for adoption? It's one of those days...

The day started pretty good, considering that the baby has been up every night for the past two weeks. Me and the bubby were having a lovely breakfast together, she was making more a mess with hers than actually eating, but it was all good, babywipes are a miracle. The day started turning to shit when I went to take out the washing from the machine that my husband put in last night. My vintage leather belt with jewellery encrusted buckle was still attached to my jeans and the buckle was broken and leather ruined from the wash. I've had the belt for years and it goes with everything, not to mention it cost a bundle when it comes to belts, and it is ruined. All I got was "I'm sorry." I was really annoyed, but as the day went on I was slowly starting to let go of it, and by the time he finished work and came home I was able to hold back the rage and make small talk, until he opened his mouth and said. "The hair appointment I booked for you was today and not tomorrow...." Now you might think, not a big deal, just make another one. But the thing is, I need to get my hair done for the wedding in a few weeks time, and the reason I was getting it done now, is that my hairdresser is going on holiday in two days time and won't be back before we go on holidays! The reason he made the appointment for me in the first place was that he works right next door to the salon and he offered to go in and make it for me. Funny thing is, my hairdresser went in to see him when I hadn't showed up and still I didn't get a phone call!!! It really gets to me ,that I have to keep paying for his mistakes, while the compulsary "I'm sorry" plays like a broken record and I have to forgive! In case no one knew, it doesn't actually make anything better, it's polite to say it, but would be great if after it the wrong doings would be made better as well. Instead I'm stuck having to let someone else do my hair, when I know I'm not gonna get what I wanted and paid for, and I have to forgive for all the stupid things done to me! I really just can't let this go. I've tried calming down and just letting it go, but it's not like it can be made good again either. My belt is forever ruined and my hairdresser is going on holiday while I stay back holding my broken buckle in tears and pulling my roots and split ends off! I really hate men sometimes! ...Not even just men, I hate my man! AAAAARGH!

There might be hope yet.

Feeling better than I have in weeks today. Managed to get through work without wanting to fall asleep under the sink, and not feeling too bad just now.

I got my Tracy Anderson DVD a couple days ago, and have pushed myself to dance to it even with feeling tired and shitty, and it really seems to be working wonders already! Taking a break from dancing and working out tonight, as I have a massive pile of laundry to get through and another one to iron. The only slightly negative thing I could possibly say about it is , that the rutines are pretty hard as you have to learn them quickly to keep up and you have to do everything mirrored as you can't see the rear view on the DVD. The dances are definitely hitting all the small muscle groups and it's so much fun to do! And it's another thing to add to my workout rutine to keep things interesting, between the other DVD I'm working out to and the gym, so shouldn't get too bored with it.

I had blood tests taken on monday to find out what is causing all this fatigue and general tiredness. The results are in on monday next week, and hopefully I will get some answers then. I also had a nother smear as the last one came back unsatisfactory with " borderline cell changes..." so if this one is ok, happy days, if not than action will be taken to find out what is happening. Hopefully these two things aren't linked and everything turns out ok. Hopefully it is nothing more than a defiency and I will get that sorted out quite easily. Another thing the doctor said was possible with my symtoms is diabetes, which I'm really hoping I don't have. But all I can do now is wait.

The fact that I'm feeling better today is making me feel a lot happier and more hopeful. 

oh so tired.

Lately it seems to be harder and harder to get anything done. Constantly tired and feeling rubbish for no reason, even when I take care of myself better than I have in a long time, I eat well, exercise, sleep as much as possible. In the morning I feel fine in work for about two hours and then hit a slump and can't shake it at all. Now I have started bruising badly from minor blows and bumps and just don't feel like myself at all. The other day I was carrying my daughter's changing bag on my shoulder and bent down to pick something up and the bag slid down my arm and caused a bruise the size of a matchbox ( and shape) which turned black in seconds and looks like something you get when you get the life kicked out of you. 

I've started going to the gym in the mornings before work, so I have to get up at 6.30 to get there for 7 a.m. and for a while I feel much better for it, but then I get so tired again and by the time I get home I'm near collapsing point.

So tomorrow I'm phoning the doctors to see if I can get a bloodtest taken, the only thing I can think of is some sort of a deficiency or anemia. Hopefully I find out what is causing this so I can get back to feeling normal again. :)

Sunday is the baby's first birthday party! She turned 1 on tuesday and we spent the day together as a family and opened some pressents and played with her new toys and things. She's so spoiled already! From her grand parents ( my in-laws) she got a trike and a sandbox which has a lid that can also be used as a paddlingpool, she loves it all! Hopefully the weather will be nice for the weekend, as it has gotten colder again after having a gorgeous week last week. Today I actually had to wear a scarf again! We have a big garden party planned for her with all her friends and ours, with lots of party foods and a bouncy castle nad ,ots of fun things to play with. I'm so excited! Just seeing everyone gather around to celebrate her is gonna be amazing for me, that's the main thing I'm looking forward to and seeing her enjoy herself!

Saturday night I need to get all the food shopping done for the party and finish decorating the cake. The sponge is already made and I have to say, I don't think I have actually made one since leaving college. It turned out really good, hopefully it tastes just as nice. We shall have to wait and see on sunday.

Now I will get back to the couch to cuddle up to my lovely husband and quite possibly fall asleep with him running his fingers through my hair, aw bliss...

Fits of giggles.

Today was a hard hard day. I walked into the kitchen 10 minutes to 10a.m. and before I put my knifecase down I was sweating. The air conditioning was broken and we were nearing 50c in there, just standing around was hard work. I was sweating in places I didn't think humanly possible! It was so warm that I Couldn't actually finish my coffee which is something that hasn't happened since I first got pregnant. The heat started taking it's toll after a couple hours as people started getting really edgy and grumpy and bickering with each other. I went the other way and caught the giggles and was probably making things even more unbearable for the others.  I just couldn't stop laughing, the heat was going to my head and everything seemed hilarious! 

I was trying to pour the duck sauce I had just prepared into a squeezebottle and my collegue said to me as the sauce was going over the edges od the neck of the bottle, lift the bucket higher so you get a better flow, so there was me trying to hold the bucket higher and the sauce getting everywhere, with him next to me going "higher, higher, faster, faster!" ..the sauce didn't get into the bottle any better than before it just made me laugh so hard because it was making an even bigger mess and eventually I fell to the floor in fits of giggles.

I had to work an hour overtime as it was quite busy, but I have never been more happy to leave the kitchen to get out into the cool breeze outside as it was actually agonizing. But when I made it out to the street the air outside was just as still and heavy, the only breeze I was getting came from my high speed walking as all I could think about was getting into a cold shower!

And here I am sitting in front of the computer with a cup of coffee, not showered and still smelling of the kitchen! Oh well, only myself to blame...

Laughter.

1st of may has been a big day in our lives for the past couple of years. It was the day the Africa adventure started for us, it was the day we came back from Africa, it was my due date for having our beautiful baby ( although I, or more so SHE was two weeks late). And it will definitely be a day I will never forget, as it is the date I amde some life long relationships on, including my lovely husband. We didn't actually meet on 1st of may, but those were the teams we were on to go to Malawi as we both got set back for very different reasons, but I'd like to think, ultimately it was all down to faith.

I was rembering my team mates on the 1st and was reminded by one of them about the weird questions I ask people and how my mind goes on overdrive as I throttle on my quest to make sense of the universe. My particular quetion had been " what would life be without laughter?"

I don't like asking that question, because if someone could answer me it would all make me too sad to go on, I think.  If every person has one thing they are remembered for, I think I would like that to be mine. Laughter. I always think that if I didn't have something to laugh about every day, life wouldn't be worth living. I still think that, and I will continue to think that until the day I die, or laughter does. They say that laughter keeps us young, and I firmly believe that, as even in the saddest of times, a burst of involuntary giggle will give you the strength of 10 men and the will to go on living. 

When our baby girl was two days old, she gave me her very first smile. It melted my heart and I took so much pride in the fact that I, or more to the point we, had made her, and she was perfect. My friend's baby started laughing so early on and was always giggling away for nothing, and I would be doing my best bits for my little one, and no sound would come out of her big grinning face. it got to a point when I actually thought something was wrong. But when she did, it was the most beautiful sound in the world and I swear I will never forget it. And all the time I put in to get it out of her were so worth the effort because there's nothing better than making your own child laugh. Now she laughs at anything and everything, and the house is always full of fits of giggles, but the first one will stay with me for life. That one was just for me. 

If for anything I hope I will be remerbered for the laughter, because that's what I always remember.